How to get the X Factor

As the old saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder- sexiness is a very subjective thing and if we all fancied the same type of person the human race would have died out centuries ago. This is great news for those of us who weren’t blessed with the perfect bodies and faces of Hollywood stars, and even though we’re constantly bombarded with images of perfection being sexy goes much deeper than looks. Sexual attraction is a chemical thing, which is why a look that floats your best friend’s boat could end up leaving you cold. We’re all scientifically drawn to different looks and sizes, which is why some people go for big wide eyes and curvaceous bodies while others favour small frames and smaller features.

But it’s not all about looks – we all know someone who has a constant stream of admirers without necessarily being seen as conventionally attractive; someone whose personality wins out over physical features. This unexplainable quality is often referred to as the X Factor; so what better time than now (just as Mr Cowell’s singing contest reappears on our screens) to talk about that certain je ne sais quoi?!

Most sex experts will tell you that being sexy is all about confidence. In today’s body image obsessed world it makes a refreshing change to meet someone who is comfortable in their own skin, and this inner spirit is something that endures long after the wrinkles set in and everything starts to sag. Nobody wants to unwrap a gloriously luxurious looking gift box to find a boring old pair of socks, just as it’s pointless looking sexy if it’s all just a front. Really sexy people learn how to love their bodies, know how to touch other people’s and have a clear idea of what they want in and outside of the bedroom, and you don’t need perfect looks to be able to pull it off. Learning how to be confident (or at least have a good stab at faking it) goes a long way in making the fireworks happen. If you’re easily embarrassed and don’t find being sexy comes naturally, there are a few little tricks to use to get you in the mood.

Love your own body first. Turn the lights down low, put on your favourite seductive music and spend a little time getting to know your own body. Learning to touch yourself and discover what you like, what you don’t like and how to bring yourself to orgasm is a great way to feel sexier around others. Invest in a sex toy or two and fall in love with yourself before inviting anyone else into the boudoir.

Play on your best features. Every single person on this planet, no matter how self-conscious and insecure we feel, has something beautiful about us. For some it’s all in the eyes, for others it’s endless legs, or it could be something less obvious like the soft, delicate skin at the back of the neck. Whatever yours may be (and you probably have a few) learn to appreciate those parts and think more about them than the other bits you’re not so keen on. It may sound like a cliché but even supermodels and movie stars have body image issues; it’s all about understanding which bits work the best and finding a way to concentrate on those.

Wear sexy underwear. This one isn’t just for your partner. When we’re stuck in a rut we can easily fall into the routine of picking out the first pair of greying, baggy cotton knickers than we find in the drawer every morning. Guess what? This does absolutely zero for us when it comes to feeling sexy. Invest in some fresh new undies and experiment with different materials like satin, silk and lace, appreciating how they feel on your skin. Try stockings and suspenders, appreciating how they make you feel as you pull them up over your legs and clip them in place. Going to work or the supermarket knowing you’re wearing nice lingerie that nobody else can see gives a cheeky little boost and you’ll be surprised how sexy it makes you feel. For a really naughty touch, try going commando.

Let your hair down. Perfect hair and makeup and immaculate clothes may look good, but being too uptight about your appearance can be counter-productive. Really sexy people know how to let themselves go, and there’s nothing sexy about someone who’s afraid to do something fun because they think it will upset their hairdo. Great sex isn’t about being neat and tidy- it’s sweaty, sticky and messes up your hair. So dance in the rain, laugh loud, run in the wind and let your hair get tousled- it’s far sexier than obsessing over every minute detail of your appearance.
Be passionate. This isn’t just about wanton lovemaking and tearing each other’s clothes off. Passion comes from deep within; it’s about knowing what we want in life, being brave and standing up for what you believe in.

Pushovers aren’t sexy, so don’t be afraid to assert yourself and tell people how you feel. Once you learn to understand your own needs and find a little bit of inner fire you’ll be far sexier than the wet blankets who agree with everything just for a quiet life.

So stop worrying about how you compare to the A listers and start focussing on YOU- then just wait for your inner sex beast to unleash itself.